So what is it? everything

So what is it? everything gets edited a hundred times before it spills out your mouth. no courage. no guts. you go read something someone else wrote, kathy wrote, to see what that’s like. all that time spent with whores and bores looking for parts of her. it’s an insult to her doncha know. she was a lot more than that.but she was flawed too. flaws that seemed to put her on some collision course. and where were you again? hiding out that weekend vainly hoping she’d magically show up on your door step. hoping that was the great undiscovered country she sought. so many clues and you were too stupid to get them. as you sow, so shall you reap.and so it goes again you are wallowing in your white bread, middle class life. pretending. posing. some great truth eludes you and really it’s probably right there. but whining about love lost is so much easier than doing something. it’s easy to fantasize about how great things could be with k now that you’ve begun to catch up with her greatness, but she’d still be at least three to four years ahead of you if she was still here. but you feel like she’s here don’t you. more dreams than you’ve had in 20 years. every week or two there’s something new with her in it or around it. if only you were smart enough, good enough, bold enoough you could find her.

non gui girl

From: Kathy O'Malley
Subject: non gui girl
Date; March 16, 2000 10:55:54 PM CST
To: Matt Midboe

i've given it some thought
see this shit is meaningless cuz alledgedly so much will change
but...
okay so it would be nice for the "plants" to automatically notify if
they need watering or sunlight or what have you. of course, if i was
richer i'd way it's be nice if they automatically were watered and
fed and shit without the nuisance of a maid or hired hand. it would
be nice to be constantly monitored for heart rate, blood pressure,
temp, bowel movements, nutrients consumed, overall metabolic
processing and shit, it will be nice to have access to the net 24/7,
which i don't, and all that stuff about the house and car or
transportation turning on for you, it would be really groovy if
movies and literature and media in general came with a barrage of
tags/flags/links to similar/reference/definition/history/allegory
stuff. tie it all together. tie it all down. use it as a trampoline
and bounce into the ether... ether.... ether... (cool fade/echo there
did you catch it). i would love to have a filter for this world a
better one than what i've got. to constantly record and edit and
deform/transform/generate/degenerate what i consume sensually receive
inputs. like if someone were yelling at me talking above a certain
decibel range it would be heard as a chipmunk or if some filter could
detect cursing or hostility and make it into "bliss" that would be
cool. as long as my awareness didn't extinguish the illusion the
fantasy and blow out the fire in my belly my little burning embers
that charm and woo my men into the night under the moon. how many
moons do i have left? it would be awesome to acurately detect
magnetic fluxes and space weather solar flares and sunspots and el
nino and see how they affect the weather and terrain and my
personality that day to really get it down. the numbers would have to
come up. it's not just pi you know. okay i hope it rocks my world. i
hope i have to take a time out to make sure i'm still breathing. i
don't think it will take place that. slow. churning. events begging
to utilize new technology aching to become commonplace like owning a
car and a dvdplayer and an mp3 player. all this entertainment. touch
screens for food orders when i give blood the separter uses a touch
screen. we are so bound by our physicality. want to hear more see
more touch more. it would be nice if i could eliminate all the stuff
i have and want cuz it's all in the ether and i experience it that
way.i don't know how that works. i associate static focused state
with using media currently. it's hard to live it. it's not mountain
biking. how does it become mountain biking?

kathy

Feeling: quivering

"Bill Murray is the bodhisattva."

The MoMA is hosting a series on The Hidden God: Film and Faith about hidden spirituality in movies. Of course they are showing Woody Allen’s Crimes and Misdemeanors, Andrei Rublev, Bergman’s Winter Light and Carl Dreyer’s The Word. However, the movie that gets the focus in a NY Times article is Groundhog Day. Buddhists, Christians, Jews, Wiccans, Falun Gong members and so forth all find meaning in the film.

I bought tickets for Casablanca this morning. I’m looking forward to getting away from all the noise for a little bit while I’m in the Sahara. I’m so lost here. Listening: Pedestal - Portishead

I'm a few steps closer

I’m a few steps closer to getting to Morocco. I asked for February 12th-26th off from work. The plan is week or so of camping in the Sahara desert with a camel and guide, with visits to Casablanca, Marrakech, Rabat and maybe Tangier. Tangier seems like it should be mandatory considering it was the home of Paul Bowles. If this visit works out I have this wild dream that I vanish into the desert or follow a group of Sufi.

Help get this movie seen

I was driving the five minutes it takes to get home and listening to All Things Considered today when this great interview came on. It was about a woman, Liz Yuan, who saw a movie at the Toronto Film Festival that she loved. Sadly it’s a small Greek film that did not find a distributor at the film festival. But she loved this movie so much, and wanted others to feel what she felt, that she created a distribution company to get the movie shown in the US. She is a film buff, not someone in the business.

i'm gonna sit right down and mail a letter

To: Landry’s Seafood Manager 5101 Governors House Dr. Huntsville, AL 35805

I was recently at your restaurant and I enjoyed the food and service. Our waitress was attentive and the food was cooked and prepared correctly. I had the Salmon Fillet. One thing would have made the experience better, the availability of Dr. Pepper. Mr. Pibb is not a suitable substitute. I moved to Huntsville from Dallas in August and I’ve been surprised at the lack of Dr. Pepper when dining out. I was glad your staff didn’t serve Mr. Pibb surreptitiously as some less than reputable establishments have done in the past. She made sure I understood it was not available when I ordered. I hope that you will consider adding Dr. Pepper to your beverage selection in the near future. It is a fine, zesty beverage that I am sure your patrons, such as myself, will appreciate.

An Incomplete Education has an

An Incomplete Education has an essay comparing and contrasting River’s Edge and George Washington. Perhaps Donald Holden will become the next Keanu Reeves. Listening: Ronderlin - Wave Another Day Goodbye

10 Second Theater

Oh me, nobody should have this much fun with a 1MB application. I downloaded iStopMotion tonight.

Useless, pointless, FUN exercise number one. I call it Haunted Chair. I plan to get Eddie Murphy to star in Haunted Chair II.

That wasn’t enough so I stayed up past my bed time doing a documentary on true love in the aquatic kingdom. I call it Fun with Felt.

Somebody’s got the giggle-snorts. I can’t wait to explain why I’m coming in late to work tomorrow. If I had more time I’d add titles, music, sound effects and dialogue. Listening: John Williams - Jaws Theme

I am simultaneously terrified and intrigued

Intrigued: Turner Classic Movies is showing four Kurosawa films: The Seven Samurai, Yojimbo, Throne of Blood, and Gate of Hell (which I haven’t seen).

Terrified: Director (Ed Zwick) and star (Tom Cruise) of the new film The Last Samurai are hosting the evening.

Turner hasn’t done a mainstream movie tie-in like this that I can remember. I’m hoping this isn’t a crass marketing attempt to cash in on Kurosawa’s name. Oh well, November 28th I’ll find out.

Watch these people

The Guardian seem to be quite prolific and talented at making lists. They have lists of all sorts. The latest list to impress me is the 40 best directors. The list only takes into account working directors so don’t get mad that it doesn’t have Ford, Welles, Wilder, Hitchcock, Godard, Fellini, etc.

The list is sorted by importance so I’d knock Lynne Ramsay and Gaspar No� down a few notches, and elevate Michael Haneke and Michael Winterbottom. Where’s Sofia Coppola and David Gordon Green? If they put Lynne Ramsay and Gaspar No� on the list, who also have only two features to their credit, I don’t understand how they can ignore DGG. I have a feeling he’s overlooked because he has focused on Southern stories, and grew up in the South. His fellow “two feature” compadres hail from the much trendier Scotland and France. Heck Gaspar doesn’t even have a Criterion release under his belt. Listening: When Day Chokes The Night - Do Make Say Think