6-1-01 (Huntsville Hospital in Huntsville,

6-1-01 (Huntsville Hospital in Huntsville, Alabama)

It all started out so simply when I said “I’m hungry let’s grab something to eat”

I didn’t expect Michael to say “Well, we could get free food from the hospital tonight.”

Gears started turning in my head, “Ooh, you know C. is working there tonight. I could surprise her.”

Getting the free meal was going to involve some trickery and deception. The catch to the free food was that it was for employees only. It was part of some employee appreciation thing that the hospital had set up. As I’m not an employee that meant I would have to crash it by impersonating an employee. Michael and I began a basic boot camp wherein I got a crash course in hospital lingo, who the executives were, and which mythical part of the hospital I worked in. I had the cyanide pills ready should I get caught inside the enemy base. Before setting out I donned the enemies clothes. I was wearing one of Michael’s Huntsville Hospital employee appreciation shirts. We were off to the front.

We parked and entered through a special back entrance that was rarely used except by those truly in the know about Huntsville Hospital entrance and egress. We had broached the front lines and were snaking our way through tunnels, elevators and stairs towards the heart of the beast. I felt my breathing quicken as we passed the periphery and started to move through the inner circles of the hospital and more and more people were present. As we rounded a corner we saw a technician on a ladder working on cables inside the ceiling. This would be the first test of my disguise.

The technician was engaging Michael in some quick banter. I felt his steely stare come over me as he was sizing up my Huntsville Hospital employee status. I was calm as a frozen lake and I responded with a jovial Huntsville Hospital salute right back at him. The technician decided I was okay and after his conversation with Michael finished we carried on. I had come through the first test with flying colors, but I knew it would only get tougher. We were heading towards the nurse’s station where C. worked. If we didn’t see her we would have to talk to another hospital employee and risk blowing my cover. It was worth the risk.

We arrived at the nurse’s station and C. wasn’t there. Michael jumped into the fray and proceeded to ask the nurse at the station if she knew where C. was.

“Who are you? Do you work here?” came the reponse.

What had been the frozen lake of calmness was rapidly thawing and I was wondering how we should handle this.

“Yes, I work here over in [insert hospital unit here]. C. is an employee not a patient.”

came Michael’s saavy response. He was good. The nurse carried on with more questions and I don’t know if she was just stupid or trying to uncover our subterfuge but we had to abandon the plan as it wasn’t moving forward.

This was it. We were on the final leg of our journey. I felt like I had an inkling of what the search for Colonel Kurtz must have been like. The natives became more and more prevalent as we neared the food. Their movement became more frantic. I was doing my best to keep my disguise together. “The extraordinary man wouldn’t fall to pieces. He would finish the trip and take the prize” became a mantra I repeated as we got closer. The smell of the bar-b-que was strong. We descended the stairs and I got my first glimpse of the gestapo at the door. Above them read a banner that said “Huntsville Hospital Appreciates it’s Employees” and next to them were signs clearly marking it off for employee’s only. They had posted four people at the door to defend the food from invasion by interlopers. This is what I had been working towards. This was the moment. I steeled my nerves and walked smooth as silk between the guards. I could have walked between the rain drops without getting wet I was so good. I didn’t even get a second glance.

Michael noticed that C. was in the room. We had found her. Unlike with Captain Willard our mission was not to kill her. I could have though, the mission had transformed me along the way. I had faced down the terror inside me.

Michael walked up to C. and said “I’d like to introduce you to one of Huntsville Hospital’s newest employees.” The words came off his tongue like they’d never been rehearsed.

C. smiled and laughed out “Hey, you don’t work here.”

Oh C., how could you be so slow on the uptake? My cover had been compromised but luckily the employees had been distracted by all the free food and they hadn’t heard her. The gestapo was on the other side of the room so they hadn’t heard her. I was safe. I gathered up my free dinner and the three of us walked off to another part of the hospital to partake of our hard earned rewards.

Best free dinner I’ve ever had.