9:52pm - I get a

9:52pm - I get a call from someone I don’t know in Memphis asking me if I’m the grandson of Sadie Elizabeth Barber. She’s upset and having a hard time forming sentences. My grandmother is very sick and refuses to go to the hospital and they need my help getting in touch with my mother or my aunt. I run through the who, what, when, where and why of the situation and formulate a plan.

10:06pm - I’m in touch with my mother (this is her mother that’s sick). She’s already spoken with my grandmother’s neighbor and great-aunt who are both at my grandmother’s apartment. I make sure my mom has a plan to follow and I hang up.

10:49pm - She calls me back to tell me my grandmother has passed away. I get that sinking, hollow feeling inside. It’s like part of me is gone and I’ve been diminished. My grandmother’s birthday is in six days.

I have always received more love from my grandmother than I gave back. It’s an inequity that’s haunted me. I had always thought one day I would have the time to give it all back. After I learned she was dead I regretted not calling her in the hour I had. The idea came into my head and I rationalized it away. The same way I rationalized not calling Kathy the weekend she died. Aside from my grandfather she is the only relative I have ever seen with any regularity.

My grandmother grew up dirt poor on a farm in Arkansas. She moved to Memphis and by the time my mother and aunt were born she was meeting folks like Johnny Weissmuller (the original Tarzan), The Three Stooges and if memory serves me correctly Sam Phillips of Sun Records fame. I wish I could say more about her accomplishments but I’m just a third-hand grandson.

When my mother called back with the news my grandmother had died she had rage in her heart. This ending had been engineered by my grandmother. She had gotten sick and refused to go to the doctor. Then she lied to my mother about taking steps to see the doctor and get medicine. Even at the very end her neighbor was pleading with me to find a way to convince her to go the hospital.

As usual I was completely ineffective in stopping yet another person who cared about me a great deal from finding a way to end their life be it through action or inaction.