Better dumb and happy

Better dumb and happy than, smart and without any friends. Better cute and better loud, better join up with the crowd. -Boingo “Change”

I should be working on work stuff but it can wait and I’m staying here till I finish it anyways. I’ve been thinking about Leia. We’ve settled into each others lives with an ease that contradicts the unanswered questions in my thoughts.

I’m not the most sociable person in the world. I’m not very good at talking to people I don’t know anything about, unless it’s a tête-à-tête thing. I feel uncomfortable doing things with groups of people. I think part of it is that I feel this responsibility to myself to always be doing something that matters, or contemplating my guilt when I’m not. I feel like having a girlfriend means more frivolous social obligations. Before I felt more justified in being a loner at home. Now I feel I’m holding her back if I don’t try and meet social obligations. I also mildly chastise myself for not trying new things, and so I follow through on most social obligations.