I remember traveling for hours

I remember traveling for hours looking for some place new to be. I would get so restless in my apartment doing the routine. I had to get out. I needed to be in an entirely new city before I felt better. Whenever I saw a place that looked worthy of visiting I was too scared to stop by. Sometimes, I even turned my car around thinking I might screw up the courage the second time around. No luck. I always made up excuses in my head about why I didn’t belong in the buildings I went past. Mostly it was variations on “They aren’t like me inside there. I’ll feel every minute difference reflected back at me a thousand fold.”

Sometimes I would go to a rest area off some interstate and grab my paper journal and sit at a picnic table trying to figure out what was wrong me. In between thoughts I watched all the different people come and go. I would stay till I started worrying that people thought I was some psycho watching them.