Most embarrassing moment ever

There are some things from my past that make me cringe when I just think about them. Four or five years ago when I was living in an apartment in Birmingham, Alabama I was struggling with my physique. I had this loathing for the male figure. I hated having a penis. I felt like if I was androgynous I would be free from Western notions of sex and gender. I thought I’d be free to write my own page. After a while I realized the science to be whatever I want just isn’t here yet, so I needed to be happy with my body the way it is. I decided that this meant walking around my empty apartment naked. I thought this would force me to accept my body, or give me the energy and willpower to follow through with a regimen of diet and exercise to change it. Well one night I was watching TV sans clothing and I heard people noises outside my apartment. I ignored them for a second and then I thought “What if they can see me through the blinds even though they are closed? It’s dark outside, it’s light in here.” Then I heard laughter and I decided better safe than sorry and I ambled awkwardly for the light switch and turned it off. They were in the parking lot outside my window laughing even more. I sat there in the dark and felt more ashamed of my body than before. In the long term though it’s been oddly liberating. It’s brought us closer, my body and I. It’s funny, but writing this out has really made me appreciate that for the first time.