Ozymandias

As I rode the train up to Cityplace to head towards the Magnolia to catch a movie I couldn’t stop thinking about what had just happened. As she was talking to me on the train the strangest message flashed across the red LED they use to show ads: “Be Happy! Whatever is happening to you now is supposed to happen, enjoy it.” Why didn’t I engage her in discussion?

On the DART I’ve encountered three types of people. The most prevalent is the perfunctory passenger going from point A to point B and they say nothing. The second type is the person who can’t stand quiet. They’ll talk at you just to have some noise. The third type is the rarest, the crazy ones. They are just fucking with you to get a reaction, or some are genuinely disconnected from the world around them. She was something new, a person talking to me. I was so terse with my answers. She probed and attacked on so many different topics and I just ignored the chance to carry it forward. It really felt like she needed me to respond.

She moved differently than most people. The bruises on her legs gave me the impression she carelessly bounced into things without noticing. She had a very thin body. Although I don’t think this came from diet, as much as being absent minded about remembering to eat. She spoke loud and words spurted out of her mouth fast and slow without a clear sense of cadence. She hid behind her thin rimmed, aluminum, oval glasses and her short, straight blonde hair. All these parts moved so incongruously like she’d been spit out into the world by a computer.

I thought about giving her my email address. A quick motion and I could have produced a card with it for her. I hesitated though because I thought give a little and she’ll never leave. Yet now I can’t help but think that was a mistake. I also thought, well heck even if she opens up I doubt I’ll find anyone home. The fluttering from topic to topic may not be empty desperation but the best way she knows to open up to someone. Maybe she jumped around on the surface of things because I was never reacting.

Unless I find the motivation to hang out at the train station at the same time I won’t see her again. Even then it’s quite possibly unlikely. I’ve tried to take this as a chance to appreciate the impermanence of life. Nothing ever lasts in the grand scheme of things, appreciate the moment for what it was not what it could be. In the end, it seems cowardly to not fight against the great forces of chaos and at least try to carve out something lasting.