Perverted / Twisted / Crippled

Saw The Hustler tonight. Devastating movie. Got me thinking about K. She knew the game like Sarah. I didn’t cause her death but I could’ve done something. In the parlance of The Hustler, K is a winner. I’m just a loser taking down winners so I can get by in life. Probably get it from my loser dad. Helluva way to go through life.

Yeah, I beat a ticket today. Go me. What a joke. M hed feel all fat and floaty . my body even. just numb likke novaciane. I guess hats selfpreservatioonn kiiccking in. why can’t i see where i should be going? it seemed so clear for k or maybe it wasn’t she jst … “The trick is in not minding that it hurts.” -TEL

I’m tired of keeping all this inside. I’m not well and I don’t want any help.

And to someone else no more damn emails. none. You’re a winner too but I wan’t nothhhing to do wih you. What little direction I have in life is one away from you.

and to those who love me i’m really sorry. I don’t mean to upset anyone. Its just that sometimes you have to lance the wound before it will heal.