"[Terrorist] conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids."

The FBI issued a detailed bulletin on May 22, which was delivered to state and local police agencies via the National Law Enforcement Telecommunications System. In it, the FBI warned that al-Qaida might be planning to use shoulder-fired missiles – formally called MANPADS, for man-portable air defense systems – against commercial aircraft within the United States. MANPADS? Bwaahaaha. That sounds like a defense against male incontinence. What self-respecting terrorist would use MANPADS?